At 51小湿妹, our counselling team has the unique privilege of working alongside a parent body that is deeply committed to the holistic growth and development of their children 鈥� physically, socially, emotionally, spiritually and academically. This interest and commitment have been tangible at our Parent Upskill Program, where School Counsellors Mrs Nadia Janse van Rensburg and Mrs Samantha Adams meet with parents twice a term to share insights and strategies that offer practical support for the regular challenges of parenting.
Exploring Attachment Theory
In our first session for 2026, we delved into the topic of parent-child attachment and how it shapes the lens your child uses to view the world. The field of attachment research was developed in the 1950s by John Bowlby, who noticed that infants separated from their parents would go to extreme lengths to reunite with them by crying, clinging and frantically searching. This behaviour, of course, makes complete sense, given that infants are completely dependent on their parents for protection, comfort and care. Bowlby was intrigued by this universal phenomenon and developed what is now known as attachment theory, which describes how a child鈥檚 behaviour and sense of security will change based on how present and attentive they perceive their parents to be.
鈥淭rain a child in the way he should go 鈥︹��
These ideas developed further in the 1980s with research by Mary Ainsworth, who identified four different attachment styles based on how responsive parents were in the home environment. The four attachment styles were labelled as securely attached, anxious-resistant, avoidant and disorganised. What was more striking, however, was that longitudinal studies revealed that the differences in parent-child attachment also played out in the adult relationships of now-grown-up children. This discovery confirmed what most of us would know intuitively, that the parent-child relationship holds the power to shape how a child experiences and responds to the world across the lifespan. This understanding threads through the biblical wisdom offered to parents in Proverbs 22:6 when it says, 鈥淭rain a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it鈥�. John Bowlby describes it thus, 鈥淚ntimate attachments to other human beings are the hub around which a person鈥檚 life revolves, not only as an infant or a toddler or a schoolchild but throughout adolescence and years of maturity as well, and on into old age. From these intimate attachments, a person draws strength and enjoyment of life and, through what he contributes, gives strength and enjoyment to others. These are matters about which current science and traditional wisdom are at one.鈥�
Drawing comfort from loved ones.
To an extent, we all know this to be true. You might feel safer and more secure at night knowing that your spouse is at home with you. On the other hand, perhaps affection feels unnatural to you if you grew up in a family that was not very demonstrative. These are both consequential of the attachment experiences you had as a little one, right from your very first days on earth.
Navigating parent-child relationships
Enter the Circle of Security program. Given the wealth of knowledge on the importance of parentchild relationships, attachment researchers took an evidence-based approach to make attachment science usable for parents by producing a visual map of attachment. It depicts the interplay between a child鈥檚 need for exploration (going out) and their need for comfort and safety (coming in), with the caregiver acting as both a secure base and a safe haven. The good news is this: the attachment-based model of parenting recognises that we do not get it right all the time (or even most of the time). In fact, researchers found that parents needed to be responsive to about 30% of their child鈥檚 attachment cues for their child to develop a secure attachment later in life. Further, as parents develop their ability to be more present and responsive to their child鈥檚 needs, the more likely their child is to develop a secure base for their outlook on the world. This means that there is hope for all families to build a secure foundation of love and trust 鈥� a promise echoed in scripture when God the Father declares, 鈥淏ehold, I am making all things new鈥�.
The Student Counsellor Team
To find out more about the Parent Upskill Program, check the news feed on 51小湿妹 Central.
The Fathering Project: Hotdogs and Handball
As part of The Fathering Project, our Hotdogs & Handball evening provided an opportunity for fathers and their children in Years 6, 7, 8 to enjoy fun, fellowship and meaningful connection. This initiative is designed to strengthen relationships that support students as they transition from Primary into Secondary. Fathers and children play handball side by side, while dads also enjoy friendly competition with one another, creating an atmosphere of fun and encouragement. More than just a fun activity, The Fathering Project fosters strong father鈥慶hild relationships and builds supportive connections among families during an important stage of a child鈥檚 development. The Fathering Project events are held throughout the year and feature various activities.